He Took Hold of Me!

Psalm 18:16-19-- "He reached down from heaven and took hold of me; He pulled me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy and from those who hated me, for they were too strong for me. They confronted me in the day of my distress, but the Lord was my support. He brought me out to a spacious place; He rescued me because He delighted in me."

I've never seen the parallel before, but when I read the above passage I was reminded of Romans 5:6, where it says, "For while we were still helpless, at the appointed moment, Christ died for the ungodly." And also verse 10 of that same passage, "For if, while we were enemies, we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, then how much more, having been reconciled, will we be saved by His life?"

That is so amazing to me! God, the Creator of the universe, through His Son, Jesus Christ, took hold of me, while I was still a helpless sinner. I would've died in my sin because I was an enemy of God before Christ saved me. He rescued me and took my place on the cross because He loved me!! If that doesn't move you, I don't know what will! Praise God that He made a way that we could be restored to Him.

Replacing Lies with Truth

Feelings: they lie. Lies: to believe the truth over them. Truth: the promises of God

I'm not going to try and hide from my feelings, but I'm also not going to live based on how I feel. Too many churchgoers hide behind a mask rather than being honest with themselves, others, and more importantly with God. This reminds me of the story in Genesis with the first "mask wearers", Adam and Eve. In Genesis 3, these first humans felt the shame of being naked and exposed. They knew what they had done and they tried to hide it.

Now, Adam and Eve were both deceived by the devil, but they chose to believe a lie rather than the truth. They knew that God said to not eat from a specific tree, but chose to eat from it anyway. 

Often, I decide to do the exact same thing. God tells me one thing, but I choose to believe something completely different, based on what my circumstances and feelings are telling me. Like right now, I have a choice, I can choose to believe the million lies that the devil is feeding me or I can grab a hold of faith in a God who loves me and has my best interest in mind. 

You may be thinking, "duh, trust and obey God." But, in the moment, I just want to give into the temptation of feeling like there's no hope. That's the easy route. However, faith doesn't see hopeless circumstances. It sees beyond the circumstances and sees a future and a hope that God's Word promises (see Jeremiah 29:11-13). 

Many of you don't know about my battle with depression and suicidal thoughts. For those of you that also have these same battles, hold on. Don't give in. Believe God and His promises over your feelings. Both feelings and circumstances change, but God's Word will not and cannot fail you. Be encouraged. Tell God everything you're feeling--no matter how "petty" you think it is. 

My challenge to you is to not be like Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. Choose the truth of God's Word over how you feel at any given time. If what you're feeling contradicts with what God says, ask God to help you to replace the lies with the truth. 

Loneliness

If you're like me, nighttime is when you feel the most lonely. I feel a restlessness and a longing to serve the Lord more than I am. A desire to please the Lord, but also a desire to be married.  Instead of doing everything I can to serve the Lord, I've been putting my life on hold--waiting for a man to sweep me off my feet. I don't want to continue to pine after the idea of marriage. I want to use this season to get to know Jesus better and to serve Him wholeheartedly. I don't know what all God has in store for my life, but I'm done complaining and feeling sad about not being married. Marriage is not going to be my life's goal anymore. Jesus Christ is. It's going to be a daily struggle to not pine after marriage, but with the Lord's help it's possible. I'd appreciate your prayers for more ministry opportunities to serve the Lord and to use my time for His glory. 

Heart Change

"I try to find the words to pray.
I don't always know what to say,
But You're the one that can hear my heart.

Even though I don't know what your plan is,
I know You're making beauty from these ashes.
With nothing left to hold onto,
I raise these empty hands to You.
Here's my broken hallelujah.

You know the things that have brought me here.
You know the story of every tear.
‘Cause You've been here from the very start.
When I feel afraid, don't let my hope be erased
Let me always sing Hallelujah.
Let me always sing Hallelujah."

{Broken Hallelujah} by The Afters


Life is scary. I'm not gonna lie. I have all these God-given desires and I honestly have no idea how the Lord wants them played out.  Unintentionally and without realizing it, I believe I've been wrestling God. I want so many things. I want to marry sooner than later to have a partner to share life with. I want to have a family of my own and perhaps adopt. I want to teach ESL to adults. That's how it's been. It's been about what I want, rather than what God wants for me.

And honestly, I haven't always really wanted to marry to have a partner in life. I never realized what marriage was really about. Marriage is not about what two people can get out of it. It's about doing life together and serving alongside your marriage partner--all for the glory of God. I don't know if I would've learned this as quickly if I were already married. I find myself dreaming more and more about getting married. But now more so of serving my future husband, rather than my future partner meeting just my needs. Most recently, I have caught myself smiling, while cooking and doing the dishes. I'm excited about one day taking care of my family--doing these exact same things. 

The Lord has also changed my heart about the idea of homeschooling. Now, I really have no idea if my future husband will be open to this. But, I personally, used to not really see the importance of homeschooling. I now see how teaching children at home is better because parents can be more involved in their children's lives.

Perhaps, as you can see, the Lord has really been working on me. Yes, very slowly. And to me, it feels like it could be an eternity of waiting on His timing. But, I know it's worth it. 'Cause being where God wants me to be is worth it.

6 AM

It's 6 am and I'm wide awake. Not really for any apparent reason. Just a lot on my heart. I want to be what God wants me to be. I don't want to continue to be the same fleshly Christian that I've been. I want to live by the Spirit so that I don't gratify the desires of the sinful nature {see Galatians 5:16}. I want my heart to break for the things that breaks the Lord's. The lost. The orphan. The widow.

"Lord, break me. I want to want You more than anyone else in this world. Make me needy. Remind me who I was before You saved me. Help me see beyond myself--beyond my needs. There's a lost world out there--a world without hope. A world without You, Jesus. Wake me up more, like You have this morning with the lost on my mind. Start with my heart and revive Your church, Lord."

Restlessness

I don't know about you, but I get restless at times. Tonight was one of those times. So, I put on the song "Restless" by Audrey Assad. That song made me then think about my life. I've become so obsessed with finding the right guy to marry and finding the right career. That's really all I think about. Jesus Christ--the One that I should be thinking about--has been pushed to the side. I've been so selfish. I've been really wanting to teach abroad and do mission work. I've forgotten all the people around me that need my help--that need to know that there is a God that loves them. I've been wasting my life.

  "God, forgive me. Forgive me for being so self-centered--for forgetting those around me that need You. Please give me a brand new perspective. Help me find opportunities here in Jacksonville and surrounding areas to serve the orphan, widowed and the poor. Most importantly, break my heart for the things that break Yours."