Get Back Up Again

Tonight I received one of the toughest blows from the Enemy since I was freed from anxiety and insecurity about two months ago. However, I'm thankful for it because it showed me where I was weak. It's crazy how allowing even one lie to slip in can change one's perspective on life within minutes. I believe that's why God put 2 Corinthians 10:5 in the Bible, especially the end of it. "...and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." That's where I messed up tonight. I believed what the Devil was telling me over what my Savior was telling me. Jesus was telling me to not be anxious even though one of my eyes was beet red. He wanted me to believe what He said--to not care what people think even though I thought they were staring at me because my eye was so red. As a cashier, there is so much stress anyway--to keep smiling even when you're having a rough day. I was able to get through a lot of the night when I had my eyes focused on the Lord and His Word. But, when my eyes slipped I felt myself sinking like Peter the disciple when He walked on water. I'm so thankful for tonight, though, like I mentioned before. It was so rough, but God has taught me a lot. To get back up even when I fall down and that I can completely trust Him in even the smallest areas of my life. Hopefully, all this happening tonight has cured me from ever sleeping in my contacts ever again. I can be so stubborn at times!

One of the biggest lessons I learned tonight is that the Devil is not going down without a fight. He doesn't like the fact that the Lord has been working on my heart or the fact that I'm being a light for the Lord at work. I've got to be alert and ready because the Devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8).

The title of this particular blog is inspired by Toby Mac's song, "Get Back Up." It reminds me that when I fall and I will, to get back up because God is waiting to continue to use my struggles to conform me into the image of His Son. And for that I am forever grateful that God doesn't give up on any of His children.

My heart

I can't begin to explain how much God has changed me since just a few weeks ago. I have a heart for the lost like I never have before. Honestly, the reason I do is because God turned this depressed, hopeless, woman who wanted to die every single day of her life into a woman who wants to live and not only that, but to live with purpose. If you would've talked to me just a few weeks ago, I would've told you that I'll probably be depressed the rest of my life. The doctor pretty much told me that this was the case. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder back in 2005--the year I graduated from high school. The Lord said other-wise. Yes, I'll probably take a pill for the rest of my life, but do I have to be depressed and suicidal? I'll tell you, God has given me so much joy. If you were to look at me now, you would see a woman who knows she is loved by her Savior and desires for everyone she comes in contact with to know Him too. I have suffered from depression for the past 9 or so years of my life. I got told the same thing over and over until it was programmed in my head. There's no hope. This I tell you, I am free from this depression and am filled with so much joy and peace. The truth is, it was sin that kept me from enjoying the fruit of the Spirit. The Lord has shown me that He allowed me to go through the wilderness just like the Israelites because I had refused to listen and believe His word. I wanted to do it my own way. I believed what others said about me above what He says about me. I've had a perfectionist attitude and believed that I was a failure if I didn't perform perfectly. God in his mercy has not only rescued and made me his child, but has set me free from sin that had swallowed me. Yes, I was saved from Hell when I was a 7 year old child. But, had refused to believe or obey the King of my heart. How could he rescue me from fear, anger, anxiety, and discouragement if I had refused to listen? My heart has definitely done a 180 degree turn! I have been asking the Lord where He could use my life to get the most glory. I know that as I follow Him in even the small areas in my life that He will make His way clear. I would appreciate your prayers as I seek to honor the Lord that I would continue to fight discouragement that has been such a battle. I have found that His grace is truly enough! And may my journey continue to bring me out “like silver refined.” May You, Jehovah, receive all the glory and honor. For it is truly due to Your Name!