Surrender

Most of you know that I've been in limbo for the last couple of years. I still don't know what the Lord wants me to do with my life career-wise. And that's okay. I'm done with my own agenda. My own plans. As of today, I've surrendered my hopes and dreams to God--Whose dreams are way better than I can even imagine. In the past, I have asked God what exactly He wanted me to do with my life. But, since I didn't receive an audible answer from Heaven, I have held on the hope that I would teach English as a Second Language (ESL) abroad. This hasn't happened yet, but it doesn't necessarily mean it won't ever happen. I just have to trust God. Trust God's timing. His plans--not my own. So, if I could get you to pray for me. It's going to be a challenge for me--to not be in control anymore. God not only wants me to trust Him with my dreams, but also to trust Him during the whole waiting process.

Fullness of Joy

So often, when I pray, I ask something from God--like for example, material possessions or help with this or that. My prayer is rarely that I want His presence. "I Want Your Presence" is a song by Bethany Dillon that I've found that describes my renewed desire for God, my longing for Him. Ever since yesterday when I decided to start spending less time on Facebook, I've discovered that just being in God's presence brings me so much joy. The God of the Universe not only loves and delights in me, but He wants to spend quality time with me. Unintentionally, I have ignored God beckoning me to Himself. So many idols and distractions, so many fake imitations of God have left me empty and wanting.

Psalm 16:11 shares what brings authentic joy: You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore. I've been a child of God since I was seven years old, but I've fallen prey to the many fake replicas of what can bring true satisfaction. I've now tasted and seen that the Lord is good!(Psalm 34:8). I've also fallen prey to the idea that falling in love or getting married will fill my emptiness. Marriage shouldn't be my life goal. My ultimate goal should be Christ. God has been convicting me of the false notions I've believed about marriage. Marriage isn't primarily for a couple's happiness. Marriage consists of two sinners; not complete saints. Apart from Christ, we will all be left wanting. Nothing can satisfy like Jesus can!